A conversation with Ben Tate of @benandzara on building the habit that changed his life.
If you've spent any time on TikTok in the last five years, you've probably seen them, a dad and his daughter, lip-syncing and dancing their way into your heart with an effortless, infectious joy that's generated over a billion views and 7 million followers worldwide. Ben and Zara Tate are one of Australia's most beloved content creator duos, and by every visible measure, life looks pretty great from the outside.
But Ben Tate will be the first to tell you that what you see on a screen is never the full picture.
Sixteen years ago, Ben self-admitted into a rehabilitation center for nine weeks. He describes the man he was then, the one he'd have to check in on if he could go back with a disarming, quiet honesty: "A very lost, sad, confused, massive ego, low self-esteem, anxious guy." He was drinking heavily. He thought he had it all. He was white-knuckling his way through life and didn't understand that support was available. He had, in his own words, very little hope.
Today, Ben is 12 years sober. And one of the most important tools in his daily life isn't a film crew, a ring light, or a brand deal. It's his phone. And specifically — picking it up.
"It took me a couple of years of retraining."
That's one of the most important things Ben said during his conversation with his friend, Eric Robert Hunter. Because we often assume that connection is easy; that if someone cares about you, they'll just reach out. But for many of us, especially men, it doesn't work that way. The phone feels heavy. Reaching out feels like burdening someone. And staying silent feels safer than risking rejection or vulnerability.
Ben's older mentors didn't let him off the hook. "They said to me, you need to pick up the phone. You've got to pick up the phone and call me, and I'm going to call you. And when I call you, answer or call back." Simple. Direct. Loving. And it took years to stick.
Now, Ben calls and checks in on his teammates almost every day. The morning of his interview with Eric Robert, someone called him at 7 AM. Twenty minutes before the interview, he left a voicemail for a mate. Not because it was on a checklist. Not because he knew he was about to talk about it. Because it's just what he does now.
"A phone call saves two lives."
Eric Robert shared that line during their conversation, and Ben immediately added his own: "A problem shared is a problem halved."
Think about how often you've sat with something — a fear, a resentment, a quiet sadness — and let it marinate. It turns into something bigger. It catastrophizes. It becomes a story in your head that grows in the silence. And then someone calls. And your honesty evokes their honesty. And suddenly you've talked through something you didn't even realize you needed to talk through, and you feel better. Not because the problem is solved — but because it's halved.
That's what checking in does. It doesn't require a crisis. It doesn't require a plan. It just requires picking up the phone.
You don't have to be okay. You just have to be reachable.
COYT: Check On Your Teammates exists because connection shouldn't be reserved for emergencies. The whole point is the space before crisis. The 7 AM call. The voicemail that says "just checking in, hope you're good." The text that asks no questions and makes no demands. Just: I see you. I'm here.
Ben says it best: "I can call you at 3 in the morning on a Tuesday. And if I wake up, I'm answering. Because I've been alone at 3 in the morning on a Tuesday awake, full of fear and confusion and sadness and I know what that is."
That's what a teammate does. Not because it's convenient. Because they know what the dark feels like, and they refuse to let someone else sit there alone.
Pick up the phone.
Visit checkonyourteammates.org to learn more and join the movement.